“{Tank}! Wake up! The bed is soaked!”

“Babe, you probably wet the bed, don’t panic.”

“I haven’t wet the bed since I was 3!!!  SOMETHING IS WRONG!!!”

And I started to panic.

“Does my stomach look smaller?!?!  It is definitely smaller!!!!”

And sob.

And panic some more.

“Why isn’t he moving!?!?  He is ALWAYS moving!  Something is wrong!!!”

 So after waking a dear friend (who doubles as a Labor and Delivery Nurse) at what would have been almost 3 am her time, and then having the doctor paged and speaking with most of the hospital staff, we rushed off to the hospital.  The charge nurse said gently “it sounds like your water has broken dear, just come right in to Labor and Delivery, 3rd floor, I already have your file and a bed ready for you.”

More panic.

More crying.

After spending all morning there, they tell me in fact…

I peed the bed.

I am 33 years old and I just peed the bed.  This is by far the best news of my entire life and then I cry more.  From Joy.

My baby is ok.

He is still growing.

His water is looking great and he is still wiggling like a crazy man.

Everything

is

ok.

{deep breath}

Stress?

Didn’t want it.

Nope.

That was a really rough day.

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This is Random Tuesday Thoughts and I am co-hosting with Julie, Ane, Stacy and Raven, while Keely is still on sabbatical from Random. Make sure you random blog at your place and link up below.

• Life has been a bit of a whirlwind the last several weeks and even months.  You would think the sudden move to Georgia and the new pregnancy would be enough craziness, but shockingly, there has been much more to make our lives crazy.
• Other than being really sick the first trimester, everything was going along smoothly.  All the tests were coming back great and we were over the moon with this surprise of pregnancy!
• Then the task to find a new doctor.  With the suggestion of two local residents, I booked my first appointment with Dr. B on what I believed to be day one of my 15th week.  Long story short… this was NOT the doctor I wanted.  She has terrible bedside manner, and she made several mistakes regarding me and my care in just the first visit.  Including insisting I was 16 weeks along, not 15.  But not changing my due date.  {confused much?}
• She then pushed on me to have another host of testing done to test for Neural Tube Defects, Down Syndrome, and Trisomy 18 saying that I had to have it done in week 16.  I insisted that I had just had all of the tests done the first trimester but she maintained that there was no way I could have.
• Then I went to see the high risk specialist, Dr W. for the first time.  We walked into her office (after a 3.5 hour wait and an ultrasound confirming it was a boy) and the first thing she said was “ok, so you were referred to me because you screened positive for Down Syndrome, correct?”
• Jaw. Drop.
• “No, we are here because I am a high risk pregnancy, not anything about down syndrome.  You must be mistaken.”
• But, she maintained that it was correct, I sobbed so hard I missed every other word that she said.  Pieces that I caught were “If you would like to terminate…” and “85% chance he will have Down Syndrome” and “Amnio is too dangerous and presents a 30% chance of complication and/or death”
• I am still left with utter confusion and frustration.  How could this doctor have just seen my moving baby boy with his strong heart beating just moments ago even think, let alone say anything about termination??
• So far I have only been able to gather some facts.  I immediately called my doctor in Colorado to find out why my first trimester screening came back fine and why was I being told this information, especially in such a callous way.  Dr. M of Colorado said that I had come back 1 in 5644 chance of Down Syndrome and that something wasn’t right.
• I am working hard to try and get answers.  But so far I am just focused on, “no matter what, this baby boy will be perfect.”
• I have an appointment Thursday with my new OB, Dr P. (confused yet?) as I enter the half way marker of my pregnancy at 20 weeks.  I am scared but hopeful.
• I know in my heart that everything is going to be ok.  And I am very calm about it.  The part that is still making me crazy is that these doctors are ALL OVER THE PLACE!  And I need solid answers.
• If you know me well then you know I battle bipolar disorder, among a host of other crap that has been attempting to take over my life since birth.  I have good days and bad days.  Lately I have had a few really bad days.  It’s not easy.  But I am not very vocal about it.  It’s easier to hide and pretend than speak about it out loud.  Depression is a lonely place.  One where it is easy to allow your mind to take over and tell you things that aren’t true.  I am not very good at speaking about it, although I hope to one day be better.  This post by The Bloggess felt like it came from my heart.  I sobbed reading it and even printed a copy to keep with me.  I draw inspiration from it.  Whether you suffer from bipolar or depression or don’t, I think everyone should read it.

• Thursday last week, Dr W’s nurse called to tell me that my blood work had come back.  And that I tested positive for the MTHFR gene mutation. (google it) And now my life has taken another sharp turn.  While it provides a lot of answers, it also adds a host of new questions.  I am at a high risk for blood clots, heart attack and stroke.  For the rest of my life.  But this may explain why I have lost so many babies.
• Like I said… whirlwind.
• Christmas was spent in Pittsburgh with Tanks family.  It was really nice and I am glad we were able to do it this year.
• We were hoping that Buggy was going to be going with us this year but she ultimately decided not to.  It was a huge disappointment for me.  I have never spent a Christmas with her.  It makes me sad to know that we probably never will. 
• Tank and Monk have been sick for a while.  And now I have finally caught the cold too.  I just hope it doesn’t hang on for as long as it seems to be holding them.  I can’t go 3 weeks with this cold.  Ugh!
• I haven’t even taken a pregnancy picture in a while.  So much going on, I just sort of lost track of time.  I think I will do that this week.  Time to update my photo album.  I will be half way at 20 weeks along on Thursday!  Wow time is flying by!

This is all I have the strength for today.  We are having lunch with a new friend and her son in town today.  I should go make myself presentable.

Make sure you post your own madness…. err randomness and link up below.

Have a fabulous Tuesday!

These are some of the one liners that Monk has been spilling lately.  Frickin hilarious kid I have on my hands!

…

One day while quietly eating lunch…

Monk: “There is poop in my belly.”

Mama: “…?”

…

He runs up to me while cooking dinner and says this before walking off.

Monk: “Hey Mom, I am growing up!”

Mama: “{sniffle}”

…

While we are sitting on the couch reading books, he looks up and me and says:

Monk: “Mom, I think you’re a monkey with your hair like that.”

Mama: “…?”

…

One day while we are eating lunch…

Monk: “Can you excuse me for a minute I am going to check the fuse box?” and got up from lunch.

Mama: “…?”

…

Almost daily this new awesomeness occurs…

Monk: <runs up to me, presses his bum against me and screams> “Ha Ha!  I just farted on you!!!” and runs off in hysterics.

Mama: “Who IS this child???!?”

…

While he is taking a shower, I am sitting outside reading my book…

Monk: “Mom! QUICK! LOOOOOOK!!!”

Mama: turn to look at him and see…

Monk: “I am peeing in the shower!!”

Mama: “Awesome.”

…

While standing in line at Target…

Monk: “Ewww mom, you farted!! STINKY!!”

Mama: “I did NOT, hush!”

But it’s too late, everyone is looking at me now. And the guy behind us who I suspect as the smelly cause is smiling because he knows I just took the blame for his foul hiney.

FML

…

While we are watching Rio, he suddenly turns to me and screams…

Monk: “MOM!!! YOU SCARED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Mama: “….?”

…

Have a very Merry Christmas!!

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This is Random Tuesday Thoughts and I am co-hosting with Julie, Ane, Stacy and Raven, while Keely is still on sabbatical from Random.  Make sure you random blog at your place and link up below.

• It’s a BOY!!!!
• We got some other news that wasn’t so easy to swallow but I will be revealing more about that later.  For now just say a little prayer for me, please?
• I am suddenly feeling a panic to name the baby.  And I have like NO idea.  Tank suggested last night we name him No Name.  {eyeroll}
• We had a super fun play date today with a new neighboring mom and her little boy.  Monk asked as soon as we left, “Mom? Can he be my friend?”  Soooo cute!
• Last week, I somehow gave everyone the impression that I was on top of things.  Let me assure you, my house is still a disaster even though I have my shopping done.
• And to make matters worse?  I went grocery shopping yesterday and forgot bread for our lunch today AND the pork chops for our dinner.  {Palm – Face – Smack}  Ugh.
• This article is by far the best I have read about Michelle Duggar and the loss and mourning of her youngest daughter.  The negativity I have heard since she lost her baby makes me ill to my core.
• I can’t stop eating pickles.
• I am 99% sure that I am going to like living in Georgia.

Make sure you post your own madness…. err randomness and link up below.

Have a fabulous Tuesday!

Time for some letters!

——————————————–

Dear New House in Georgia,

I till really love you but you are a beast to clean.  And I’m really sorry that I haven’t finished unpacking and made you beautiful.  I will soon.  Maybe.  Hopefully.

Love you,

Cass

——————————————–

Dear Christmas shopping,

I am SOOO glad you are done.  Holy geez I feel like I have been shopping non stop for months!  Ugh.  Please don’t come around for a while, nnkay?

Burnt out on shopping,

Me

——————————————–

Dear Exhaustion,

GOOOOO AWAAAAAAAAAY!

Kapeesh?

Cass

——————————————–

Dear Monk,

You are really starting to freak me out with your jealous towards the dogs.  They love you and you are being so… “little boy” to them all the time.  Here are a few words to live by:

• They do not want to play baseball with you and they especially don’t want to be the ‘ball’ in the scenario.  So stop.
• They do not like it when you lay on top of them to cuddle, thus squishing them so they cannot move and then laughing the entire time.
• They really do not like it when you chase them around the house screaming at the top of your lungs “AAAHHHH!!!”  Not cool.
• They do not like it when you throw objects at their heads.  This includes but is not limited to: toy cars, balls, food, shoes, sippy cups, clothes or pillows.
• Saying “Jazz is gonna bite me!” while squeezing her neck with your tiny death grip, all the while knowing she hates it, does not make the squeezing ok.
• Not wanting to have anything to do with me until one or both of the girls are sitting on my lap and then coming cover an JUMPING on top of me and them is totally not cool.  I can see through your tricks little man.

I love you but don’t make me choose between you and the girls. 

Love,

Mommy

——————————————–

Dear Baby in da Belly,

Today we get to see you on ultrasound again and the doctors will tell us for sure what you are!  They told us at 12 weeks that you were a boy but we have since learned that they were most likely off their rocker.  So we shall see.  I can’t wait to name you.  Only 22 weeks until your due date.  Yay!

I love you,

Mommy

——————————————–

Dear Readers,

To participate in Dear So and So just click here to go to Kat’s Blog

and get the button for your page.

To participate in Letters of Intent,

click here to visit Julie, over at Foursons and grab one of those buttons too!

Hope you have a good weekend and next week!

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This is Random Tuesday Thoughts and I am co-hosting with Julie, Ane, Stacy and Raven, while Keely is still on sabbatical from Random.  Make sure you random blog at your place and link up below.

• I am semi back to blogging.  I haven’t posted since… hang on lemme look… JEZUS!  Since November 7th.  Dude!  I had no idea it had been that long.  I am just sorta in writers block.  That and I have a gazillion other things that require my attention right now.  Namely, holding down the couch and drinking 43 gallons of water a day because this baby is THIRSTY ALLLLLLL THE TIMMMME!
• I started Hunger Games and it’s the bomb.  I have almost read it all and already can’t wait to start the next book!
• Hunger Games would be better if there was more (or some) sex in it.
• My pregnancy has caused my libido to go through the roof.  Like, HOLY LIBIDO BATMAN!  At least Tank seems to be quite agreeable to this current state.  Yay me!  And I suppose yay him! {grin}
• Did you know that Christmas is NEXT WEEK!!?!?  Shizballs!
• Did you know that I had to type and retype Christmas like 9 times before I got it right because my fingers are NOT listening to my brain right now.
• My pregnancy is giving me wacky hormones and I cry at like EVERYTHING now.  Happy, sad, funny, sweet, angry, you name it, I cry over it.  I am like a blubbering dork.  And so much so that Monk doesn’t even acknowledge it anymore.  Ha!
• My house is almost unpacked.  And by “almost”, of course I mean it’s still a fricking mess with not so much as one photo hung on the walls and boxes of Christmas stuff half up and half not done all over my living room.
• I have no motivation right now.  None.  Nada.  Zip.  Ziltch.
• Ugh.
• According to Urban Dictionary, if you look up my name, it says that I am “to be the most amazing thing anyone has ever seen” and “The cutest, kindest, most perfect girl in the entire world” ANNNNND “Queen of intercourse”  How can anything they say be wrong?? Thank you Urban Dictionary for your wise assessment.  LOL
• I still really miss beer.
• I really like Georgia.  Everyone here is really nice and the food is AWESOME.  The weather so far has been odd.  Like it’s hot and then chilly and then hot and then hot and then hot and… blah!
• I need to redesign my blog design and I still need ideas.  So far I have heard a lot of “Georgia Peach” ideas.  But I don’t know if I am into that.
• I actually haven’t had a peach since I got here.  Where are all these peaches I hear of??

Make sure you post your own madness…. err randomness and link up below.

Have a fabulous Tuesday!

This is my last post until after we move and get internet hooked up.  Will probably be a couple weeks.

Next time you hear from me, I will be a Georgia resident.  I am a whirlwind of nervous and excited emotions.

We had this amazing Thanksgiving meal Saturday with the family and it was divine.  Made me sad for what we are going to leave behind.  I am trying to focus on why we have to make this move and think positively.  There are just as many positives as there are negatives.  It is just a balance of trying not to let the things we will lose get to me.  It is a major battle.

Some close friends of ours even took the day off of work to help us load the truck this Wednesday!  How amazing is that?  I am still in shock they did that.  We never asked and even told them to reconsider such a huge offering, but they insisted.  Having great friends like that is such a blessing.  I have no idea how I am going to thank them!

The time change was stressing me out a bit until someone said to me on Facebook… “Theres 25 hours today.” and it occured to me.. hell yes!  I am always asking for more time in the day, now I am getting an extra hour!  Suuuweeet!  So I spent it napping.

Well… wish me luck.  We still have all the odds and ends to pack and loading and cleaning and touch up painting and blahhhhhhhhh.  Then a week from today I will be spending the entire day at the airport and in flight with my cantsitstillfortwoseconds toddler.  I will arrive in my new home one week from today.

One week from today, I start my Georgia life.  So curious what this chapter will bring.

OH!  And tomorrow, I get more pics of the nugget in utero!  Yay!

Well, this is it…. until Georgia!

While I am gone, I need ideas for my new blog design!  I can’t have Aspen Leaves in Georgia!  That is just silly.  So please help me brainstorm ideas!  Thanks!!

Time for some letters!

——————————————–

Dear New House in Georgia,

I am so happy to have found you.  You are perfect for us.  I can’t wait to live in you.

Happy, Happy, Happy,

Your new tenant

——————————————–

Dear Stress,

Thank you for leaving.  Finally finding a house and locking into it makes you a distant memory.

Whew!

Cass

——————————————–

Dear Monk,

Your lovey doveyness lately is so awesome!  I love how you just come up to me and randomly say “Mom, I need a cuddle” or “Mom, I love you!”

You warm my heart.  I couldn’t ask for a better kiddo.

I love you,

Mommy

PS. Your new found iPad addiction, while super annoying, is also super adorable.

——————————————–

Dear 1st Trimester,

Good riddance!  So happy to see you go!  Moving on to the 2nd trimester is so easy and happy for me.  Please do me a favor and take your buddies Nausea, Exhaustion and Painful Boobies with you!

Won’t miss ya!

Cass

——————————————–

Dear Baby,

I can’t wait to see you on Ultrasound again next week.  The doctor is going to check all your little parts and make sure everything is looking well.  I can’t believe how much you have grown already.  I feel like we just found out you were in there yesterday.  I am so excited to meet you and even though we still have a ways to go, since time has been flying, I’m sure you will be here before I even know it!

I love you,

Mommy

——————————————–

Dear Jazz and Daisy,

What is up with you two?!?  Why are you on me 24/7 lately!?!  I keep hearing this is because I am pregnant but GEEEZ!  I can’t get you two off of me.

It’s driving me crazy.  Not to mention sleeping is difficult since I can’t move what with y’all pinning me down and all.

Oy!

Cut me some slack, nnnkay?

Love you,

Mama

——————————————–

Dear Moron Lady who almost side swiped me going 75 on the highway yesterday,

GET OFF THE PHONE AND PAY FRICKING ATTENTION DUMBASS!

Thank you,

Concerned driver

——————————————–

Dear Snow,

{sniffle}  I am really going to miss you.

{sob}

Me

——————————————–

Dear Steelers,

Kick some Ravens tail this Sunday!

Woot!

Love,

Your devoted fan, Cass

——————————————–

Dear Readers,

To participate in Dear So and So just click here to go to Kat’s Blog

and get the button for your page.

To participate in Letters of Intent,

click here to visit Julie, over at Foursons and grab one of those buttons too!

Hope you have a good weekend and next week!

Sometimes, it’s all about the perfect clutch! {Review and Giveaway}

Due to a confusion, we have had to draw a new winner in the Paper Flora giveaway.

Our original winner Ane is not actually in the United States, and our giveaway was exclusively for US Residents only as I had clearly stated.  I feel terrible that we had to draw another winner. 

I drew a 2nd winner, but she did not do the mandatory entry of leaving a blog post comment and was thus disqualified.

So I drew a THIRD winner!

The FINAL winner of the $20 gift certificate to Paper Flora on Etsy goes toooooo…

Jill of Sublime Dream!

Congratulations to Jill!

Many thanks to Paper Flora for sharing their amazing products with us!

Have a great Day!

Sometimes, it’s all about the perfect clutch! {Review and Giveaway}

The winner of the $20 gift certificate to Paper Flora on Etsy goes toooooo…

Drum roll please….

Ane of Life According to Ane!!

Congratulations to Ane!

Many thanks to Paper Flora for sharing their amazing products with us!

Have a great Day!