Almost every day, I am hollering at Monk because he wakes up his brother from sleeping. Most times he does it on purpose because he wants to play. Sometimes it’s accidental. But I feel like I yell about it more than most things.
Today, after waking his brother from his morning nap, in a moment of stupidity, I told him, “If you wake up your brother again, you will go to your room for the rest of the day!”
Hearing our parents when we open our mouths is an eye opening and annoying symptom of parenthood.
And then nap time was upon us again and I quietly closed the baby’s door and said what I say to Monk every time, “Be very quiet, your brother is sleeping.”
Only my memory of an elephant child says, “And if I wake him, I have to stay my room for the rest of the day, right?”
“Yes. That is correct. Now go take your quiet time and I will come and get you when Rocky wakes up.” and off he ran, quietly shutting his bedroom door behind him.
Tank is always telling me that I need to follow through more and stick to my guns. Even when my guns open up and say something ridiculous.
I’m sure you know how this story will go.
An hour later, he comes into my office and says that he is done with quiet time and now he wants a snack and to play with his cars. But I want him to take quiet time, which I have newly instituted, while his brother takes his second nap so that I can get some quiet time to myself. So I quietly tell him that he needs to go back to his room and that he is only halfway done. And that the rules are the same each day.
This pisses him off.
So he loudly says, “OHHH MANNNN!” and stomps back to his room.
SLAMS. THE. DOOR.
As loud as a person can slam a bedroom door.
He slams it.
And then begins to scream.
Which of course sets off an immediate chain reaction of the baby waking up and starting to scream. And my brain starts to boil over.
So I go tend the baby, get his diaper changed, yada yada, and still fuming I stomp my way back to Monkey’s room.
“Seriously [Monkey]?!?! Now you DO get to stay in your room all day!” SLAM goes the door.
Fantastic parenting moment.
Of course now he screams and cries and wails, “MOMMMMYYYYYYYY!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!! MOMMMMMYYYYYY!!!!!” and my heart breaks into a million tiny little pieces. It’s physically painful.
crazy lady monologue has a field day.
How do parents do this?
Why am I being such a pussy?
It’s not like I beat him and took away all his toys.
Why won’t he stop crying?
Jesus christ he is loud.
The neighbors are probably calling the cops.
I’m going to prison for locking my child in his…
“Mom?” He is standing in the entry way staring at me. Completely tear free. “Can I come out now?”
“No, you need to learn your lesson. You woke up your brother on purpose. You need to stay in your room until bed time.”
“BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!” and he runs back to his room and SLAMS the door again.
“MOMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! I’M SORRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYY!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Oscar goes to?
What am I going to tell the cops when they show up?
Maybe I should just go and get him.
I’m sure he learned his…
“Mom?” There he is again. Not a tear to be seen. “Am I allowed to go potty?”
“Yes, Monkey. Then get back in your room please.”
He didn’t even go into the potty.
I’m the worst disciplinarian ever.
And he knows it.
“Mom? Where’s my iPad?”
“I don’t know bud. But you need to go to your room. Without your iPad.”
“But I’m done.”
“No, Monk. You are not done. You stay in there for the rest of the day. Do not come out again. You are being punished.”
I have to stand my ground all night. He has to learn there are consequences.
I bet he never wakes his brother again.
This is going to work!
“Mom? Do you want to play wii with me?”
“MONKEY. GO TO YOUR ROOM. DO. NOT. COME. OUT. AGAIN. UNDERSTAND?!”
“BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!” And he takes off. But this time I follow him and close the door. A NON slam if you will.
And as I am walking back to the living room SLAM!
Just ignore him.
He is just trying to rattle you.
I just know this will work!!
And then strangely he doesn’t bother me for a while. I check on the monitor and he is playing with his toys, watching his VBS movie and having a grand time.
He comes out and I feed him dinner and he happily goes back into his room.
Shit. He is playing me.
This isn’t working.
“Mommmm?? I LOVE playing in my room all day!” and happily runs back to his room.