Becoming a mom was all I ever wanted. I can’t imagine a life without my children. But there are just times when you realize… oh my gawwwd… this is because I am a Mom.
It started with the first child.
Never being able to sleep a decent night again.
Never being able to use the bathroom alone again.
Never being able to talk on the phone without someone screaming in the background or someone saying “Mommy? Mommy? Mommy? Mommy? MOMMY? MOMMMMY??? MOMMMMYYYYY???” while you are trying to order a pizza.
Losing the ability to shower every day. Or the ability to at least shower alone. And not in the fun “not alone showering” kind of way that ends when you have kids. I mean the “Mommy? Where is your penis?“ and “Mommy, look I am licking the shower wall.” kind of way.
Losing some brain function. (Is this just me?)
And I fully admit that I thought I knew it all before Monk was born. I thought I was going to master this Mama gig with flying colors. But then, I was smacked in the face with that pesky little “Reality.”
Then again, I thought… I have one, I can do another. I know how this Mama stuff works now. I have had four years of it. You might as well call me a pro.
Jokes on me!
Then came Rocky. And everything changed.
Nothing is the same. Babies are different. Babies are HARD WORK. Kids are HARD WORK. If you had asked me 5 years ago, I would have NEVER thought I would be able to list the following on my resume.
- Can breastfeed while putting on make up.
- Can breastfeed while at the dinner table with the family.
- Can breastfeed while also folding laundry.
- Can breastfeed reading books to a 4 year old.
- Can sit on the couch 24 hours a day while breastfeeding if allowed.
- Can fix a broken dump truck while sitting on the toilet.
- Can brush teeth while pouring breakfast cereal.
- Can drive while holding a pacifier in a baby’s mouth and sing upon a 4 year olds urgent request.
- Can still conqur the world with only minutes of sleep.
- Can roll my eyes after a 4 year old says “Mom! I farted on you!!” and run off in a fit of giggles for the 50th time today.
- Can drink coffee with a shot of Pediasure because there is no creamer or milk left.
- Can grocery shop with a 4 year old that wont sit still and a infant in a sling even with no makeup and sexy yoga pants.
- Can type a this blog while also… you guessed it… breastfeeding!
But NOW. I am for sure. A mother.
Can anyone help me open this bottle of wine??