Pregnancy Confessions

That picture is totally not me.  Duh.  But while googling for a photo for the blog (one NOT me) I found this and OMG this photographer is awesomeness!!  So go poke around her site, www.erinwallis.com,  and if you live on Vancouver Island then give her a ring.  She does some pretty amazing work.  I am so in love!

Ok moving on…

I am SOOO happy that I am pregnant!  If you have been following me for more than a day, you know that I’ve been on a fertility roller coaster for 9 years and that baby making has pretty much become my life.  So pregnancy was the goal.

I am ecstatic!

Another little boy coming into the family is going to be bliss!

Seriously!

But…

Being pregnant is like… HARD work dude!

Like  H A R D !

And while this pregnancy is going a lot smoother than my pregnancy with Monk did, I am still finding the little things (and some of the big things) a bit of a bitch.

Like…

• I am not one of those women that glows and everyone looks at at says “Awe, how beautiful she is.  Look at her pregnancy glow!” I am one of those women that people look at and go “oh my gawd, you poor thing!  I bet you can’t wait to be done with this pregnancy, huh?”  {sigh}
• I have acne.  Wasn’t this something we should have been done with when we became women?  Like where is my beautiful, glowing pregnancy skin that women get??
• My nails don’t grow long and beautiful during pregnancy like other women’s.  They break constantly and look like I spend my days picking at concrete with them.  {shudder}
• Where is my long, strong, thick, healthy, shiny pregnancy hair?  My hair looks like I haven’t washed it even though I just got out of the shower and breaks off if I touch it.  I am shedding more than my Jack Russell is right now and believe me when I say… that is a frickin’ accomplishment!
• I miss having energy.  Like the kind where you can accomplish all of the 109387529348572349 things in your day and not want to lay your head on the breakfast table and take a nap while Monk screams at you “MOOMMMM??!?!  WHAT are you DOING?!?!”  And giving you that look he gives you when he thinks you have completely lost your mind.
• I miss sleeping on my stomach.  Like I miss it so much that I dream about sleeping on my stomach.  Who dreams about sleeping?  {eyeroll}
• I have not been able to find a single pair of underwear that fit me right while I am pregnant.  You can laugh at this but seriously, every single pair I put on is either too big, or has a weird saggy crotch thing going on, or is too tight it rolls down my belly and then feels like a giant rubber band around my waist.  I can’t win.  I have NO idea what to do about it.  It is by far the most annoying thing ever.
• Flatulence.  Need I say more?  DUDE!  I cannot understand where it all comes from.  Something happens to the body when you are pregnant and I swear EVERYTHING you put in turns into gas bubbles.  It is insane.  And not great for making friends.  LOL
• Seriously squished pregnancy bladder syndrome.  That is totally a real medical term, look it up.  As if wetting the bed wasn’t bad enough, I also get to deal with the fact that I can’t sneeze, cough or move wrong without peeing my pants.  And it’s even more fun when sometimes I am just sitting, not doing anything and the baby moves (read: JUMPS) on my bladder and I pee.  It’s so fun.  Having my bladder function at the mercy of another human is awesome.  Lemme tell ya.
• Not to mention the fact that I have to get up every 8 seconds to pee because said baby is pushing on my bladder and I am SURE I will not make it to the bathroom in time, every.single.time. and I sit and about 4 drops come out and that’s it!  MADNESS!
• Charlie Horses?  In the middle of the night?  Trying to kill me?!?  SERIOUSLY!?!?
• The waddle.  Who invented the waddle?  I am guessing it is the result of that feeling you get of having a bowling ball shoved into your vagina.  Because I pretty much feel like I have one stuck IN MY VAGINA all the time.  And it hurts and I can’t walk right and I can’t sit right and I can’t lay right and {sob}
• GINORMO boobs.  Now I know that most women love this part of pregnancy.  But I am just going to let you know one thing.  If you already have huge boobs (even huge AFTER a breast reduction) then guess what?  They are going to be MASSIVE during pregnancy.  And not like “ohh sexy biggens!” I am talking “HOLY MADNESS! GET ME A WHEELBARROW!”  They suck.  And are totally in my way ALLLLLLLLL the time.
• Exhaustion.  I sorta covered this above with lack of energy but I am throwing it in again because number 1… pregnancy fog (we will cover that in a second) and number 2… it needs to be repeated!  I am SOOOOOO TIRED!!!!!!!!  {yawn}
• Brain fog.  I love how people think it’s cute when you can’t remember little things like what their favorite color is or an appointment that you forgot to write down and say “oh its cute, don’t worry, it’s just pregnancy fog!” and laugh.  But dude!  When you can’t remember if you brushed your teeth, or if worse, you brushed your kids teeth, of if you fed the dogs or what day it is, or if you are supposed to turn left or right at this light to go to the grocery store or or or or… seriously?  NOT GOOD.
• I am one big belleh…. check it….

 

Pregnancy rocks my socks off.