Mom, where is your penis? {Conversations with monk}

 

I love my kid.  The stuff that comes out of his mouth is worth lovin’ too!

…

One day while Tank and Monk are eating at the table without me, I was eavesdropping from the other room…

Monk: “Knock, Knock.”

Tank: “Who’s there?”

Monk: “Banana!”

Tank: “Banana Whoooo?”

Monk: “POOP!”

Tank: “Poop?”

Monk:  in a fit of giggles

Mama:  {eyeroll}

…

Quiet time on the couch.  I have my kindle, Monk is playing on my his the iPad.

Monk:  “Mommy, you are all pixelated!”

Mama:  “I am what??”

Monk:  “… you are pixelated?”

Mama:  “Pixelated?”

Monk:  “YES Mom!  Pix..el..a..ted!”

Mama:  “…..?”

…

I was changing in my closet and Monk walks in…

Monk:  “Mom, where is your penis?”

Mama:  “Mommy’s don’t have penises.  Remember?”

Monk:  “Why not?”

Mama:  “Cause Mommy’s don’t need them.”

Monk:  “Why?”

Mama:  “Because we just don’t.  Boys have penises and girls don’t.”

Monk:  “Are you a boy?”

Mama:  “No, I’m a girl.”

Monk:  “Are you sure?”

Mama:  “Pretty sure.”

Monk:  thinks for a second…. “Whatever Mom.”  …walks off

Mama:  “….?”

…

While he is playing in the playroom, and I am working on the computer in my office:

Monk: “MOM!?!?!?!”

Mama: “Yes?”

Monk: “DRAGONS DON’T WEAR UNDERWEAR!!!!!!!!”

Mama: “Umm… nnnkay, thanks.”

…

While he is supposed to be napping, I hear the door fly open upstairs:

Monk: “MOMMY!!! I AM PUTTING YOU IN CHARGE!!!” <door slams>

Mama: “…?”

…

Jimmy is playing in the tub without water while I am standing at the mirror next to him putting on makeup.

Monk: “Mom, can I poop in the tub?”

Mama: “Eww!  No way!  That’s gross dude, seriously.  Poop in the potty if you have to poop”

Monk: “Mom… you are making me sad right now”  <pout face>

Mama:  “Yeah well you are making me gag right now.”

Monk:  “Whatever Mom!”

…

Monk: “Mom, a hydroplane glides through the roughest waters.”

Mama: “…..?”

…