Three Pugs & a Baby {Guest Post}

**Dear readers, Since I have been summoned away due to a death in the family, you shall be honored with guest posts until I return Friday, June 11th.  BE HONORED!  And show these posters some love.  For me.  <3 you, Cass

Your guest poster for today shall be…

Revenge of the Mommy Brain

I’ve been holding on to this story in case of emergency, so when Big Mama Cass tweeted that she needed guest posters due to a family loss, yesterday if not sooner, I decided it was time. I am always happy to help a blogger in need, and it’s amazing how quickly help can arrive with the aid of today’s social media.

I have always prided myself on my memory. Like an elephant really. To match my thighs (Just kidding. Kind of.)

They told me that once you get pregnant and have a child, your memory takes a virtual dump. It flees like the erstwhile knights in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, trilling “run away! run away!” as it skips off into the night.

I scoffed. I’m big on the scoffing.

What do “they” know, anyway?

The answer? A hell of a lot more than I did.

And as Turtle the Fetus grew inside me, my memory started slipping. Nothing major. And certainly not often. A date here and there. A direction. A thought lingering on the tip of my tongue, that I could never quite spit out.

It was annoying, but manageable.

I was pretty sure that once I gave birth and had myself an outside baby, it would all come flooding back, along with my ability to eat an actual meal, sleep on my back and make it more than 30 minutes without having to sprint for the loo.

Three out of four ain’t bad.

I used to be able to hit our local grocery store without a list. I would have a rough meal plan etched in my frontal lobe, wheel my cart through the aisles, chat on my cell, and quickly and efficiently get every item necessary for our week, along with the staples and any random extras that might catch my multitasking eye.

Then it turned out I was forgetting things. Staples. Key ingredients. Feminine products. So I started bringing a list.

And that was great, until I started forgetting things that were on the list. Right in front of my effing eyes. I would load the cart, pay, bundle the groceries into my car, and get to the entrance of my neighborhood when OMFG I FORGOT THE FRIGGING STAMPS AGAIN!!!!

Quite frankly, it’s demoralizing.

But the worst of it? The thing that reduced me to tears in the driver’s seat?

The day I swiped my ATM card at Target. And stared at the PIN keypad.

Because I could not remember my code.

I have had the very same, six-digit code from the day my bank mailed my ATM card three years ago. I remember, quite vividly, that I cursed in frustration because I was used to four digits, and this was two more numbers. I remember having to carry a separate card in my purse with that PIN written down as a sort of cheat sheet, until I got it down.

But when I did? It was THERE.

Until two weeks ago.

After a few seconds, the first three numbers came back to me, but the last three? Nothing. Nada. Zip.

So I canceled the transaction, went the credit route, and figured it would pop back into my head when I least expected it. Like at 2am.

Nope. Two days later, I went to Publix, and there was still no recollection. I relied on the credit feature again, cursing my stupidity, humiliated to the core.

I think I know what it is now. I just have to go back to the store to test my theory. We’ll see. I’m not holding out much hope, especially since today I was leaving a voice mail for a business contact and completely blanked on the last four digits of my phone number. The one I’ve had for six years.

I’m starting to think that maybe I’m turning into Homer Simpson. You know, the part where every time he learns something new, something old gets pushed out of his brain and is lost forever. I was already pretty much in love with doughnuts and beer, so this is really just a natural progression.

Regardless, “they” were right. Mommy Brain is real and wreaking havoc on mothers everywhere.

And it’s laughing all the way.

Please make sure you head over to visit Jenn at her regular stomping grounds.

See you soon!!