Vlog of sorts & Ranting Dear So and So Letters of Intent

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Dear Allergies,

Fuck off Fuck off Fuck off!

Get the message?

Me

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Dear Readers,

If you missed this from yesterday, you must watch it.  You will thank me later.

His obsession with my boobs knows NO bounds.  And I LOVE how his voice is that high pitched squeak.  No idea why he does that but it’s awesome.

I just love to bite his cheeks.

Cass
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Dear Exercise,

I know, I know.  I have missed you too the last 3 days.  If you get my kid to do some sleeping at night, I will totally hang with you again.  Till then… I am just barely able to get dressed each day.

Tired,

Cass

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Dear Spam assholes that are STILL assaulting my blog,

Apparently you didn’t receive my last letter.

I do not want a home loan.  I do not want a personal loan.  I do not want Codeine or Vicodin at “rock bottom prices”. <–what does that even mean? I do not want to help you get your so called inheritance out of the bank in Nigeria and in exchange you will give me 2.3 million dollars.  I do not want to see you on your webcam.  I do not want to buy ANYTHING you are selling, especially not a Gucci bag!  I shop at Target, nnnkay?  I don’t want YOUUUUU!

Leave me the eff alone!

Kapeesh?

Cass

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Dear Messy, Messy, Messy House,

Ugh.  Why must you look like this?  I have company coming.  Can’t you call a maid or something?

Get yourself together!

Cass

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Dear Monkey,

You have now clarified for me why babies have such silky soft skin.  It’s because when their mom’s aren’t looking, you get onto their bed {with freshly changed sheets} and take a bath in Mommy’s brand new bottle of $35 wrinkle cream.

From.Head.To.Toe.

Thanks so much for that lesson well learned.

Love,

Dry skinned Mama

PS. Don’t tell your father you wasted your mothers $35 wrinkle cream.

PPS.  Don’t tell your father that your mother spent $35 on wrinkle cream.  When you tell him the money that Mommy spends, that vein in his forehead grows.  Mommy needs her $35 wrinkle cream.  So let’s keep it our little secret.  Ok?

PPPS.  Mommy has cake.

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Dear Mother in law and Father in law,

Tomorrow you will get here for E.I.G.H.T. days.  Please keep in mind a few things.  #1 I am a hormonal bitch right now.  #2  I am a territorial bitch all the time.  #3 I am insane about my “space”.

I promise to try not to drive you batshit crazy while you are here with my amazing ability to annoy the human species.

Love that you are visiting!

Cass

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Dear Ovaries,

It’s time to make some magic.  It is the 2nd Act of BM10.

Get your game face on.

Cass

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Dear Aunt Crazy,

You are winner #4 of Bloggy Awesomesauce!!!

You have been awarded this because your ass makes my ass laugh.  Like. ALL. The. Time.

The rules of acceptance are:

1. Give the award to some other deserving bloggers.
2. Write a list of weird and/or unknown random facts about yourself.
3. Sport the button on your page.  You can grab the button over there {pointing to the sidebar}

I love you, don’t ever feel otherwise!!!

MUAH!

Cass

PS.  Your itty bitty titty’s are way more itty bitty than mine.   I think I should ask for a refund.

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Dear Readers,

Make sure you take the time to check out Aunt Crazy.  She is awesome.  You will WUV her.  She has my sort of sick twisted humor. 

To participate in Dear So and So just click here to go to Kat’s Blog and get the button for your page.

To participate in Letters of Intent, click here to visit Julie, over at Foursons and grab one of those buttons too!

Have a fantastic weekend!!!