The Eff BOMB Dear So and So Letters of Intent

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Dear Feet,

I am so sorry you are so sad and pathetic looking right now.  I promise to get you cleaned up and pedified as soon as I can.  You have been begging and pleading for paint and love and affection and I promise you won’t have to wait much longer.

Please stop plotting against me and giving me ferocious pain.  Please?

I will love you and pet you and call you beautiful,

Mama

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Dear Edema,

WTF?!?!  Why have you taken over my feet?  I really don’t understand and actually you are kinda starting to freak me out.  Do I need to call a doctor?  Wednesday night I didn’t even have an arch anymore!

Worried,

Cass

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Dear Cass,

Did you seriously FORGET to wash the conditioner out of your hair the other day?  Cause although it did make for a seriously weird and delayed hair drying experience, at least you didn’t need hairspray. 

Although I must ask… why did it take you until about five minutes after you walked OUT of the house to suddenly smell the conditioner in the car and go… OH.MY.GOD. ???

Think much?

Self

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Dear Fuck,

You had to do it?  You had to seal my 2 year old’s foul mouthed fate?  Seriously?  Thank bob it was in the car when nobody was looking.  Well other than that guy that was taking a curious look at my middle finger.  You know… the one that cut me off in the obnoxiously lifted truck that was SERIOUSLY compensating for something when he put those HUGE TRACTOR like tires on his Ford Ranger?  Yeah that one.  Well thanks cause now my kid, who ALWAYS over pronounces the “k” in “Duck” with a “kkkkaaahh” now apparently does it with “Fuck” as well.

I am now officially the worst mother in the world.

Thanks so much,

Cass

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Dear Spam,

What.The.Duck?!?!  <–see what I did there?  heh heh

Why are you targeting my blog?!?!  When I sat down to the computer this morning and pulled up my Comments folder, imagine my shock when instead of the usual 8 or 9 spam comments being held for moderation, there was 142 of them!

Please leave me alone.  I am seriously not that cool.

Cass

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Dear Kate,

I know you can’t dance but I will still vote for you each week because I feel a kinship with you.  Especially now that I know we both look like beached fish when we dance.

Separated at birth,

Cass

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Dear Pollen,

Why must you assault me?  Day in and day out you are covering the city of Texarkana in yellow powder.  This powder is murdering my allergies!  Someone is going to ask me at any moment if I need to talk to someone like I am getting beat.  My eyes look like Mike Tyson just got done with them!

Please go away.  Pleeeeeeease.

Sniffly,

Cass

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Dear Babysitter,

If you could start returning my calls sometimes and showing up on time, I will like you more.

If you won’t do it because you want my love and respect then maybe you could just do it CAUSE I PAY YOU.

Just sayin,

Cass

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Dear Laundry,

Please do yourself.  I am fed the eff up.

Kay thanks,

Cass

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Dear Readers,

Time to play along! To participate in Dear So and So just click here to go to Kat’s Blog and get the button for your page. To participate in Letters of Intent, click here to visit Julie, over at Foursons and grab one of those buttons too!

Have a fantastic weekend!!!

Xoxo