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Almost every day, I am hollering at Monk because he wakes up his brother from sleeping.  Most times he does it on purpose because he wants to play.  Sometimes it’s accidental.  But I feel like I yell about it more than most things.

Today, after waking his brother from his morning nap, in a moment of stupidity, I told him, “If you wake up your brother again, you will go to your room for the rest of the day!”

Hearing our parents when we open our mouths is an eye opening and annoying symptom of parenthood.

And then nap time was upon us again and I quietly closed the baby’s door and said what I say to Monk every time, “Be very quiet, your brother is sleeping.”

Only my memory of an elephant child says, “And if I wake him, I have to stay my room for the rest of the day, right?”

Crap.

“Yes.  That is correct.  Now go take your quiet time and I will come and get you when Rocky wakes up.”  and off he ran, quietly shutting his bedroom door behind him.

Tank is always telling me that I need to follow through more and stick to my guns.  Even when my guns open up and say something ridiculous.

I’m sure you know how this story will go.

An hour later, he comes into my office and says that he is done with quiet time and now he wants a snack and to play with his cars.  But I want him to take quiet time, which I have newly instituted, while his brother takes his second nap so that I can get some quiet time to myself.  So I quietly tell him that he needs to go back to his room and that he is only halfway done.  And that the rules are the same each day.

This pisses him off.

So he loudly says, “OHHH MANNNN!” and stomps back to his room.

And then….

SLAMS.  THE.  DOOR.

As loud as a person can slam a bedroom door.

He slams it.

And then begins to scream.

Which of course sets off an immediate chain reaction of the baby waking up and starting to scream.  And my brain starts to boil over.

So I go tend the baby, get his diaper changed, yada yada, and still fuming I stomp my way back to Monkey’s room.

“Seriously [Monkey]?!?! Now you DO get to stay in your room all day!”  SLAM goes the door.

Fantastic parenting moment.

Of course now he screams and cries and wails, “MOMMMMYYYYYYYY!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!! MOMMMMMYYYYYY!!!!!” and my heart breaks into a million tiny little pieces.  It’s physically painful.

My inner crazy lady monologue has a field day.

How do parents do this?

Why am I being such a pussy?

It’s not like I beat him and took away all his toys.

Why won’t he stop crying?

Jesus christ he is loud.

The neighbors are probably calling the cops.

I’m going to prison for locking my child in his…

“Mom?” He is standing in the entry way staring at me.  Completely tear free. “Can I come out now?”

“No, you need to learn your lesson.  You woke up your brother on purpose.  You need to stay in your room until bed time.”

“BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!”  and he runs back to his room and SLAMS the door again.

{Sigh}

“MOMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! I’M SORRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYY!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Oscar goes to?

What am I going to tell the cops when they show up?

Maybe I should just go and get him.

I’m sure he learned his…

“Mom?”  There he is again.  Not a tear to be seen.  “Am I allowed to go potty?”

“Yes, Monkey.  Then get back in your room please.”

“BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!” SLAM!

He didn’t even go into the potty.

I’m the worst disciplinarian ever.

And he knows it.

“Mom? Where’s my iPad?”

“I don’t know bud.  But you need to go to your room.  Without your iPad.”

“But I’m done.”

“No, Monk.  You are not done.  You stay in there for the rest of the day.  Do not come out again.  You are being punished.”

“BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!” SLAM!

I have to stand my ground all night.  He has to learn there are consequences.

I bet he never wakes his brother again. 

This is going to work!

“Mom? Do you want to play wii with me?”

“MONKEY.  GO TO YOUR ROOM.  DO.  NOT.  COME.  OUT.  AGAIN.  UNDERSTAND?!”

“BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!” And he takes off.  But this time I follow him and close the door.  A NON slam if you will.

And as I am walking back to the living room SLAM!

{sigh}

Just ignore him. 

He is just trying to rattle you.

I just know this will work!!

And then strangely he doesn’t bother me for a while.  I check on the monitor and he is playing with his toys, watching his VBS movie and having a grand time.

He comes out and I feed him dinner and he happily goes back into his room.

Shit.  He is playing me.

This isn’t working.

“Mommmm??  I LOVE playing in my room all day!” and happily runs back to his room.

Well shit.

 

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randomtuesday

Tuesday Random!  Which translates to… “ways Cass can bitch and complain about random shit on Tuesday”

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  • There is more rain coming today.  Which means no fun in the sun as we intended.  Lame.  On a brighter note, my kids have decided that staying in today means screaming their heads off at will like every 8 seconds.
  • I’m 99.9% sure my scale is trying to get me locked in a padded cell.  My scale is an asshole.  I’m pretty sure it’s in the bathroom right this very second laughing it’s little ass off.
  • I had to ban Monk from sitting on the furniture today because he can’t stop jumping on the couches.  I don’t know what else to do with him.  Just thinks our couch is a trampoline.  No matter how many times I have told him not to bounce, he keeps bouncing.  So now he is walking around the house saying, “Mom, I am SOOOO uncomfortable, I reeeeally wish I could sit down.” And then making this huge dramatic sigh.  *head explodes*

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  • The baby woke up on the wrong side of the crib today.   I have realized that he either is going to be teething non-stop until college, going to have a constant ear infection or has permanent PMS.  It’s awesome.  And he is not eating much but is nursing like 24/7.  So if my boobs fall off, then you will know why.  You’re welcome for that visual.

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  • Speaking of Rocky… his nap schedule lately has really been putting a damper on my morning gym routine.  I can’t believe I am about to say this but… I really can’t wait till he drops his morning nap.
  • I said something to a friend this weekend on facebook about “Kids are the killers of fun.”  I quickly realized that we cannot be friends anymore because her response was to freak out on me about how “Children are a blessing…. yada yada yada” and my head almost exploded.  If you don’t know me or my wickedly awesome dry humor well enough after 2 years to know that  A) I fucking ADORE my children and being a mother and B) I am fucking funny and many times that humor is at my kids expense then we totally can’t be friends anymore.
  • So our house is turning into a wildlife preserve.  We had four baby armadillos in our back yard last week.  They were freakin’ CUTE!

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  • And we also have a mourning dove, who my husband has named Phyllis, who is nesting in our yard.

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  • She has two eggs so far.  And I read they only usually have two.  That it’s really rare for them to have 1 or 3.  She actually never ever leaves them.  She only left breifly when we were trying to round the armadillos out of the yard and we were making a lot of noise.

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  • How can you tell if you are a complete mental case?  When your day planner ends June 30 and your mind cannot stop obsessing and stressing over the less than two weeks you have to use it before you have to start a whole new day planner.  That and the fact that you still write every single thing down ever because you are crazycrazycrazy even though it’s 2013 and you are one of about ten people on earth who actually still write in a day planner instead of doing everything on your iphone.  Kaaraaazy.
  • Also… insomnia is a jerk.
  • I will leave you with this picture because… seriously.

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This has been Random Tuesday Thoughts. I am co-hosting with Julie, Ane, Stacy and Raven, while Keely is still on sabbatical from Random. Make sure you random blog at your place and link up at Stacy’s blog. Make sure you post your own madness…. err randomness and link up at Stacy’s blog.

Stacy

Have a fabulous Tuesday!

 

 

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